The Traveling Saleswoman

I did a party last night for a group of older, moneyed ladies. I think there was only one other person in the room other than myself under the age of 50. Some observations on what differentiated this crowd from my usual party attendees:

* They are not big spenders. The average order was $37, compared to $65 at another recent party with a younger group.
* They were mostly buying stuff for gifts, not for themselves.
* As a result, not one of the 16 women in attendance could be enticed to book a party to get free products.
* Only 2 of the 16 had an email address.
* Only 2 of the 16 paid by credit card - the rest with check or cash.
* All the check numbers were really high, because they’ve been with the same bank for 30 years!

A customer called me today out of the blue. She attended one of my parties 7 months ago. She wanted to exchange the item she ordered because she just opened it this week and it has a chip in it. Umm…no! The 90 day exchange policy was clearly stated on her receipt. Sears or Target would apply exactly the same criteria. We don’t even carry that item anymore - it was in our holiday line! If we did, I might have offered to get her a replacement at half price with my consultant discount; but I can’t even do that since it’s no longer available. Maybe that’ll teach her to check the stuff when it arrives, rather than waiting two seasons.

Right now I have three potential recruits for my team.

One doesn’t have the money for the startup kit.
One doesn’t have an email address or a working computer.
One doesn’t want to do any home parties.

Houston, we have a problem (or three).

At the party I did last night, someone brought along their 6 year old son and he was permitted to watch “Bee Movie” while I did my presentation…4 feet away. So I had to compete with Jerry Seinfeld and Renee Zellweger for the crowd’s attention.

My listeners were also distracted by the antics of the hostess’ exuberant dog. He was fond of jumping on everyone, snatching food out of people’s hands, and chewing all my pens. The hostess kept saying “He’s very clean!” Yeah lady, that may be the case, but that still doesn’t mean I want him gnawing my supplies. Why she couldn’t confine him to an adjacent room is beyond me.

On the plus side, upon my departure the hostess pulled me aside and said, “You do a very good party. I would recommend you.”

We were unable to process your credit card transaction with the supplied card. Please try another card.

My hostess’s debit card was just declined. She didn’t have enough in her checking account to cover the shipping and tax on her free items until payday. The total was less than $14.

I guess this is the sobering reality for many of my hostesses and customers. Gas (at $3.65 a gallon as of today) takes precedence over my products when money is tight - and rightly so. I’m fortunate enough to have a husband who earns a good income, and I can’t imagine having that little in the bank. This was a wake-up call as to what many people are facing.

Direct sales consultants who don’t proofread their customer newsletters. I received one from a consultant for another company today:

Come Join Us! Start your xxxxx business before April 14th and qualify within your first 30 days, and in addition to commission and xxxxx dollars, you can also earn xxxxx free!

The problem? It’s April 22nd today….

Hostesses who don’t distribute the products to their guests in a timely manner. Yesterday I just heard from a customer who has not yet received her order from a late-February party. I know for a fact that the hostess has been driving around with it in her car trunk for over a month, and she only lives one town away from the guest. What is so hard about dropping it off? Now we have passed the time window for a free exchange if the item is defective. I’m just praying the item is in good shape, otherwise I’ll be shipping it back on my dime -and it’s heavy! Grrrrr…..

Guests who come to a home party and ask if they can take the catalog home because they “need to measure the space/want to consult my husband/need to think about it.’ Nine times out of ten, this is code for “I have no intention of actually ordering anything, but I am too chicken to tell you that or walk out without buying something. Instead I am going to take one of your costly catalogs home, forget about it and ignore all your attempts to contact me by phone or email until you give up and leave me alone.”

I did my first-ever outdoor home party today.  The weather here has decided to jump straight from 30º and rain/snow to 80º and sunny in the space of a week.  Whatever happened to spring?  Anyway, I arrived at my hostess’ house and she sugggested setting up my display in the front yard.

The first problem was the wind.  The taller items in my display kept blowing over, and I had a couple of near-misses where I caught things mid-fall.  It wasn’t particularly elegant, but it did the trick.  I solved the problem by tying them to my display rack with some string I found in my bag of supplies.  I guess there’s an advantage to bringing everything but the kitchen sink to a party.

The second issue was that random people kept stopping to look at my display, thinking that it was a yard sale.  At several points the hostess was inside the house and some woman would park her car, stroll over and start looking at my wares.  I would have no idea whether this was one of the hostess’ invited guests, or a complete stranger.  Not wanting to be rude, I’d make polite conversation until the hostess came out and indicated whether she knew the person.  Most of the women looked taken aback when they were informed they were gatecrashing a private party.

Thirdly, I was unprepared for the heat and sun exposure.  Wearing my typical home party uniform of black pants with a smart shirt, I roasted in the hot sun.  I had brought my husband’s car, which does not contain the well-stocked diaper bags that are my constant companions in my usual mommy-mobile, and thus I had no sunscreen with me.  By the end of the party, my arms and decolletage were a delicate shade of pink, nicely complementing the strawberries and sangria the hostess had elected to serve.

Anyone need to fry an egg?  Hey, don’t dirty a skillet, come over and use my radiating skin!